Jesus George W and his Hostile Apostles (part III)

Realpolitik … just say it!   say it!

KXS Jul2k4

Saddam was caught, in the parlance of the game, getting high on his own supply.  For awhile, we were a Saddam supplier.    We didn’t give him Egyptian-level assistance, but since the Iraqis were churning out over three million barrels of oil daily before Gulf War I, Iraq didn’t really need our cash, just our weapons.   So, we moved plenty of weapons to Saddam during the eighties, anything to keep the Iranians down.   Such is the nature of realpolitik.   We know how to treat preferred autocrats.  

Had Iraq’s Arabian Nights Despot kept kissing American ass and throwing gas bombs at the Iranians, his Baathist Pimpdom today would be claws to claws with the governments of Egypt, Saudi Arabia, and Pakistan; hopelessly ill, but in power…countries a country mile from democracy but on our cash or weapons dole nonetheless.   Saddam’s economy would have still found ruin, if for no other reason that war without end tends to drain the treasury even more than renting a planeload of Thai hookers once a month for Udai’s swinging soirées.   In a neighborhood full of tinpot bloated thugs in the captain’s chair, Saddam stood out, if for nothing else, that he seemed to enjoy the purges and gassings.

Saddam Hussein is a treacherous scat-sucking gunsel.   After he is tried and convicted for his crimes against mankind, a lottery should be held amongst his victims.   Ten winners should have the pleasure of removing Saddam’s digits at the first knuckle with modified nutcrackers.   Then the lucky ticket-holders should give the deposed tyrant a thorough rubdown with sheets of coarse sandpaper before pitching him into the Presidential Palace’s pool-- filled with salt water and a few hungry barracudas.   Loudspeakers throughout the compound should blare, in Arabic, "Now that's torture, asshole!" over and over again until that Saladin wannabe is done.   That said, while Saddam was a most dangerous man to his people, he was not the most dangerous man to us.

The Bush Administration knows this, yet they have not explained to the world the nuances and necessities of realpolitick; why it can be useful to smash a country to send a message to potentially more menacing foes, say, North Korea or Iran.   With our global reputation now completely in the toilet, this is a real good time to lay out the realities that make us select bad over worse.   Instead, Dubbya speaks of spreading freedom to the corners of the globe and to all oppressed people.   This is such utter bullshit—deceiving, if it weren’t so patronizing.   By Dubbya’s logic, at least the logic he dumps onto the American people, shouldn’t some of our favorite despots be feeling the warm sting of hellfire missiles, instead of cashing our checks?

For starters, there’s Egypt's Hosni Mubarak, who recently got some facetime with Dubbya in DC.   Mubarak has kept his people under military rule for 23 consecutive years.   That is not progressive.   It is Stalinist.   Egypt is a very long way from democracy…which would favor the Islamists at this point anyway.   How can we support such a cruel and inept leader?   Education and enlightenment are restricted to the elite while the masses pine for an Islamic revolution— too ignorant and bitter to understand what is being done to them as well as what they are doing to themselves. What does it say to the Arab people when such a stellar jerk like Egypt ’s Pharoh-phor-life gets his palms slapped with billions in cash and weapons from Jesus George W and his predecessors…every year?   Is that some strange reward for squashing dissent— which of course nurtures terrorism?   Is it our nod of approval to Mubarak for keeping the monarch seat warm for his son, Gamal?   What a fabulously stupid way to win over the hearts and minds of the masses, but given our track record it makes sense.   Mubarak’s regime enjoys as much popular support as cancer.   Why do we support cancer?   Egyptian prisons are famous terrorist breeding grounds.   A young hoodlum who spends a few years in Mubarak's care, with steady diet of rape and torture, is likely to emerge with an even stronger dislike of Mubarak and his benefactor.   Ask Al-Zarahawi, ask Mohammed Atta, oh...that's right.

Then there's Saudi Arabia, an absolute misogocracy ruled by a vegetable but administered by his slightly more coherent brother.   There are religious police patrols everywhere, and no booze anywhere.   Are you insane?   The Saudi’s treat half their population like utter shit by decree and tradition yet won't let them get smashed so they feel less pain while being raped and or circumcised.   Apologists say go easy on the Saudi’s, they’re under a lot of pressure…they are reforming.   Right.   The Saudi’s are currently having a scorching debate as to whether women should drive…automobiles, not action in the boudoir.   Hell, in two-hundred years women in Abdullah’s Magic Kingdom may even have a say in how they dress.   The House of Saud had their hands on instant wealth for seventy years, and in that time they’ve watched South Korea— with no natural resources and a darkest history of war and occupation, smoke them in education and development, all Israel’s fault of course.   Saudi Arabia has world’s largest proven reserves in oil and terrorists.   Ask 15 of the 19 hijac--   oh...that's right.

THEN there's Pakistan, a chief ally in this terror-war dust-up.   I pray to whatever keeps us fastened to the planet that a nuke doesn't go off in a train station somewhere under a huge building.   But if it does, chances are better than likely that the know-how, the Intellectual Property, needed to craft the calendar-changing snap-furnace, came from Pakistan, specifically, from one A.Q. Khan.   You’d think that Dubbya and his boys, when confronted with the identity of the worst nuclear proliferators in the history of mankind, would make a little noise.   Nope, not a peep.   The only government noise came from Pakistan ’s autocrat, Gen. Pervez Musharaf.   He scolded Khan for shipping parts and secrets to terrorists and terror governments everywhere, pardoned him, and then called it a day.  

Musharaf has known about Khan’s wily proliferatin’ ways for a generation.   One does not set a tent for the world’s largest nuclear flea market without every serious cheese in the chain of command knowing about it.   Musharaf is not that stupid, even though he once supported the noxious Taliban.   The madrasses which spouted the Taliban still exist in droves all across Pakistan …loose nukes and terror schools in the same country, how convenient.   The madrasses accept typically malnourished boys from the fields and slums and teach them to hate women, the west, and the prospect of happiness.   The madrasses are of course funded by those wild and crazy Saudi's. Why teach children computer engineering or medicine when you can turn them on to the idea of martyrdom and 72 virgins…just press the little button on your special belt. Major traffic circles in Islamabad and Karachi have glowing replicas of an unnamed mountain in the Chagri range, the cave-nest of Pakistan ’s nuclear program.   It is a singular point of pride in Pakistan , considered by most Pakistani’s as the country’s greatest achievement.   Education, prosperity, modernity?   Whatever bro, we gots the Bomb.   Word.

And the aforementioned trio are countries Jesus George sends money to!   According to Pew Research, a reputable polling organization, the Pakistanis, Egyptians, and Saudi’s think better of Osama than Bush.   WTF?   Can’t we get something better for our cash?   It’s like a junkie who gets ripped off by his dealer every day, but keeps coming back…even though eventually he’ll come back with a gun.   What kind of message does this send to our named adversaries?  

Iran , which probably has the bomb, along with an oppressed and pro-American population, is far more dangerous than Iraq if for no other reason that the mullahs in charge know that their days are numbered if they don’t pull off some impressive tricks, like a unifying war of some sort.   They are hated by their people, and no regime is more dangerous than one backed into a corner and on the brink of civil war.   Some folks will do anything to save their asses, with no consideration whatsoever what side of history they eventually call home.   

North Korea definitely has the bomb, and they are flat broke with a starving population too weak and scared to toss out their stinking crime-family necrocacy.   Kim Jong FreakJob makes Saddam look almost human.  

Cool, let’s take out Iraq because they, above all, are the imminent threat.   Clearly, it doesn’t even stand against playful prodding.   There were some damn good reasons for bouncing Saddam on many levels, but the Administration never mentioned them during the run-up to the war.   People get tired of lies, it’s insulting.

If we take Bush at his word regarding Iraq and our desire to squash an imminent threat, it’s like a decision to take down the Corleone family by clipping Fredo.   True, Saddam is a terribly cruel Fredo…but definitely a Fredo.   The Iranian Mullah’s, Kim Jong HairDay, and even Musharraf, are far more dangerous to us than Saddam was.

So, some free advice for Dubbya:

Be straight with your people, I know it's gotta be mentioned somewhere in your twelve-step program, so stop ignoring it.   Lots of folks smell your bullshit and it’s harshing many mellows.  

• If you are going to smash a country to instill democracy in a troubled part of the world, say it from the get-go, don’t make up crap along the way.
  

• If you send a despot two billion-plus a year, call the bastard out once in awhile if there is no progress in development across the span of a generation.
  

• At least act like you’re upset about the Pakistani nuclear proliferation scandal.   Your sanguine attitude makes us think you’re secretly praying for the Revelations thing to happen pronto.   That’s not cool.   Although the Iraqi prison abuse scandal occupies you and the press, it is nothing compared to the worldwide flea market for bombs that have existed for more than a decade.

Oh, and one more thing.   We hope, nay pray, that you run your campaign the way you’ve run the Iraqi occupation, because the world can not endure another four years of your reckless hostility passed off as uninformed nobility.